if there’s one thing white people love it’s a rooftop bar. they just CANNOT resist it. the same can be said for speakeasies. food truck alleys. if you put any of those things under a comically large box propped up on a stick you would catch so many. immediately. like moths to a flame
you just say the word “cornhole” and they all start swarming. Harrowing
We’re on a new platform with a totally different audience…we have to prove ourselves all over again…convince a totally new group of people to think we’re funny and worth your attention….so allow me to drop some of my “A” material….the funniest thing I got…….here goes…….
cannot emphasize enough that gideon is allowed to do literally whatever she wants forever ❤️ i will be supporting her ❤️ babygirl lived through hell and then DIED and then kept on dying through hell she can do WHATEVER she wants
if I was matt murdock and I found out the same chemical spill that blinded me and lit the world on “fire” turned a bunch of turtles into pizza loving ninjas I would lose it actually
I’m not going lie the thought of matt finding out he’s radioactive ooze brothers with this particular version of the tmnt has me in tears
matt, trying to recount his childhood and ignore the smell of turtle, three day old pizza, and sewer: …..so yah, after my dad died I was basically on my own.
the turtles, already planning on buying their radioactive waste brother a shirt that says “I fell in radioactive waste and all I got was these glasses”: cowabummer dude. our dad’s a rat
40,000 years ago, early humans painted hands on the wall of a cave. This morning, my baby cousin began finger painting. All of recorded history happened between these two paintings of human hands. The Nazca Lines and the Mona Lisa. The first TransAtlantic flight and the first voyage to the Moon. Humanity invented the wheel, the telescope, and the nuclear bomb. We eradicated wild poliovirus types 2 and 3. We discovered radio waves, dinosaurs, and the laws of thermodynamics. Freedom Riders crossed the South. Hippies burned their draft cards. Countless genocides, scientific advancements, migrations, and rebellions. More than a hundred billion humans lived and died between these two paintings—one on a sheet of paper, and one on the inside of a cave. At the dawn of time, ancient humans stretched out their hands. And this morning, a child reached back.
why did nobody want to adopt Oliver from Oliver and Company… was he supposed to be particularly ugly compared to the rest of his litter? did New Yorkers see his Protagonist Bangs and steer clear? did they see an orange tabby and think, ugh, someone’s probably already buttered this idiot?
This with the time they used a real knife instead of a prop and jensen ended up accidentally stabbing jared in the thigh…. starring in supernatural is an extreme sport
the time they trapped their leads in a room with 65000 live bees
and then didn’t use the take and eventually decided on cgi bees
fully sober and lucid walking down the street googling “is it normal to get a haircut” “am i allowed to get a haircut” “is the guy at the barber shop going to be mad at me when i go in there”
For those worried about the crew having to do a whole job just for one person, flight staff only get paid for time they’re in the air; if he’d cancelled, they wouldn’t have gotten paid for zip.
So in other words, he gave them an easy day where they can spend most of it on break, and also airplane staff should unionize.
Also the plane likely has to get to NC somehow so you might as well have fun with it
